The Atheist and the Bear Joke

I’ve found that this blog lacks bears, so, if you’re bored, type in “Christian Bear” in your favorite search engine and viola! You’ll get a link to the same bad bear joke and plenty of Xian interpretations of it.

The joke is barely (bearly) that: An atheist gets chased by a bear, falls down, cries “Oh, God!” and god shows up. god complains that now, when the atheist needs help, he calls on a god he doesn’t believe in. The atheist is honest and says he still wouldn’t be a Xian but asks god to have the bear be a Xian. god says OK and the bear thanks god for providing this atheist as a meal.

Like I said, it’s a crap joke.

And it reinforces the idea that the Xian god is a dick. Even it’s followers must believe that, they gleefully show that their god is a petty, petty tyrant with no concern with anything but being worshipped and fawned over ad nauseum. If I could save someone from being killed by a bear, I would. That makes me a better person than the jerk who thought up this lame joke.

Tonight I was bored and did the search. One I found was by freedomdeliveriance. Add that to your search and you’ll go right to it.

Reading through the “argument” there, the author claims

“It has been witnessed many times that an atheist being in a perilous situation will come to accept God into their life. An atheist proclaims that they don’t believe in God, but when they find themself in a serious life/death situation it is easier for them to consider the possibility that God is real. Prior to surgery and going under the knife, many surgeons witness many of their patients crying out to God to help them live through the operation, so it wasn’t too hard to fathom that this man might call out to God as he realized the seriousness of the situation he was in.”

I’ve been in one perilous situation: I was hospitalized and nearly died.

It was a close thing.

The illness could have killed me. And the treatment could have killed me.

The illness could have stopped my breathing. The treatment could have resulted in massive internal bleeding. Bleeding in the chest. Bleeding in the brain. So not good.

While I do admit that the whole circumstance felt very surreal, I didn’t pray or entreat an un-evidenced deity for assistance. Not once.

Not once did I consider that god was real. Not once.

I didn’t have the time to waste.

The doctors were really surprised that a guy in my condition was still awake. I should have been out cold. And I think they thought I was going to lose consciousness at any time. So when they came in to explain the treatment, I focused on asking questions of the doctors who were treating me.

They gave me the odds of surviving the procedure. 1 in 20 chance bleeding that they could deal with. 1 in 100 chance bad bleeding in the chest that would be more difficult. 1 in 200 chance the worst bleeding in the brain that they wouldn’t be able to do much about.

Hey! Numbers! I work with numbers all day in my job! I have advanced degrees where I had to deal with numbers! I know numbers! Yes! I can make a decision dealing with numbers and I did.

I also thought about my wife and my family the whole time. I signed the consent forms and they whisked me out of the room before I could say goodbye to my wife. And that, quite frankly, was the worst part of that.

It all happened so fast, even though it took more than a week in the hospital.

So, no. No praying, no thinking about god, nothing. And none from my doctors and nurses. They were busy doing their jobs saving my life.

(On a side note, it seemed that in every room in the hospital I was in, I got a direct view of a wall clock–from the urgent care center, to the emergency room, to the CT scan room, to the ICU, to the specialty care wing of the hospital I was put in for a week.

With a wall clock in full view in each one of these rooms, I was acutely aware of how long I was there. I spent most of my waiting time watching the clocks, while my dedicated team of doctors and nurses were working hard to save my life.

I sat there and thought “Hey, I’ve been here in the ER for 15 minutes and the docs are ordering tests” and “It’s 11:30, I’ve been here for an hour and a half. Two tests down.” and “12:50, I’m being rolled into ICU.”

Like I said, it was a very surreal experience.)

Even when faced with death, one atheist still didn’t believe in the Xian fairy tale. I know that I’m not alone.

So, the joke’s really on the Xians. Too bad they don’t see it.